Friday, May 27, 2011

Patience, Shpatience

Still struggling not having a place. :(
It's stressful, and I think it is extremely negative for me and Chris' relationship. Lately we have been having to sneak into his place around 2am (roughly when his brother falls asleep) so I can sleep next to my Man. This being, on those days that I have been in school all day and I'm wiped out I have to sit outside in the car (unless we find something to do), and be PATIENT.

Alright, this is what this blog is mainly about. Patience. I definitely lack it. Chris and I have a rule for when we go out to dinner, I remain seated until he stands up, until he finishes his food. It's that bad, I can't even wait for him to finish eating, I'm always ready to do the next thing when I should be enjoying the moment.

Patience has always been a problem for me, I'm a very quick to do person, I hate waiting for everything. I'm the type of person who will buy something from the store and HAS to use it within a half-hour of buying it or I feel stressed out. It's bad, Chris hates it, and as he says is going to "spank it out of me".

Now, this is the MAIN issue. We still have no where where I can be "spanked out of" a habit, and since I'm little miss impatience I think I have become the worst girlfriend in the world. I find myself often pushing buttons because I want him so badly to pull me over his knee and spank the living daylights out of me. D: Ok, well now I'm nervous. This roller coaster ride of ttwd, of being His, is incredible. I don't know how to explain it but I find reading other blogs so helpful because it makes me feel apart of a community, I'm not alone. :)

We want to be spanked, until we get spanked, and then when we cry and scream for them to stop, we are dissapointed that it's over. I have yet to understand this mystery. I literally beg him to spank me, I'm very open about our lifestyle, I've never been too much of a shy person when it comes to those I'm comfortable with so it's really easy for me to be blunt and flat out tell him what I want. The only problem with this is He really wants to spank me too, especially because lately I need it since I've been extremely demanding and not his kitten. :( I want to be his kitten, I want to submit to his every word but for some reason that want isn't enough, I need the threat of my backside being ripped to shreds.

I think it'll only take one time. One good punishment and I'll be set and I'll try to avoid punishments as much as possible, but until then I'm afraid of damaging our relationship. I don't even know why I do, or say some of the things I say. He's the most amazing person in my life, and one day I would love to marry this man. He has so much potential, meets EVERY requirement I need in a man including the things I thought I would never get, like a man willing to discipline me. I really lucked out. I really need to start appreciating him more.

-zoe (kitten)

P.S. The reason I normally sign as kitty, or in this case kitten is because he has never called me zoe. Even when we first starting dating, he used to call me kitty. It has upgraded (or rather downgraded) to kitten because he says i am not his kitty yet, i'm a kitten in training to become his kitty. I love Him. :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


I know I have not added a blog for a month now, and I'm sorry but we've somewhat taken a break. A long unfortunate break, and I have no real thing to update you on.

These few weeks have been the most stressful weeks of our life. Schools is crunching down on me, we still have no real place to live or be ourselves and we're breaking down to a boiling point. C and I got in the biggest fight of our lives last night, since I don't ever get spanked at all anymore, I'm miss Sassy, with a capital S. I talk back nonstop, I'm disrespectful, I hardly ever obey him and it has been getting out of control. I still have never been punished and it brought doubt inside me, is my Master capable of punishing me?

Luckily I'm very open about our lifestyle choice so it didn't take long for me to bring it up to him. To my surprise he fits my needs perfectly, we just have not had a place of our own to be ourselves and this has taken a toll on the two of us. We are moving in less than a month, for certain, and I can't wait for that day. The second I finish my last final, we are free and we're moving up north to visit his parents and then within a week or so we'll hopefully have our own place to call home. I just don't know if I can wait any longer.

This is why non DD relationships don't work out for too long. There's too much fighting, no one ends anything. Everyone just bickers back and forth and someone has to be the "strong one" and end the argument. Now, in our relationship, he's the one who has to put his foot down and punish me if I continue on, but with the lack of punishment we have been having a vanilla relationship and that frankly does not work for me. Especially knowing what he's capable of. Sometimes I wish he would just yank me over his knee and teach me the lesson because as bad as it sounds, sometimes I forget he's boss and when we move I know he won't let me pass a day where I forget that.

Punishments are adding up. This is scary, I don't want to have to face a bunch once we settle in. Right now I'm complaining that I'm not being spanked, and I know for a fact that I'll be blogging with a very sore bottom in the near future. YIKES! The thought alone makes me shiver, but I know it's what we both need. I love him, I respect him, and we just need to suffer these last few weeks so our lives can start together.

Your kitten,