Patience, Shpatience

Still struggling not having a place. :(
It's stressful, and I think it is extremely negative for me and Chris' relationship. Lately we have been having to sneak into his place around 2am (roughly when his brother falls asleep) so I can sleep next to my Man. This being, on those days that I have been in school all day and I'm wiped out I have to sit outside in the car (unless we find something to do), and be PATIENT.

Alright, this is what this blog is mainly about. Patience. I definitely lack it. Chris and I have a rule for when we go out to dinner, I remain seated until he stands up, until he finishes his food. It's that bad, I can't even wait for him to finish eating, I'm always ready to do the next thing when I should be enjoying the moment.

Patience has always been a problem for me, I'm a very quick to do person, I hate waiting for everything. I'm the type of person who will buy something from the store and HAS to use it within a half-hour of buying it or I feel stressed out. It's bad, Chris hates it, and as he says is going to "spank it out of me".

Now, this is the MAIN issue. We still have no where where I can be "spanked out of" a habit, and since I'm little miss impatience I think I have become the worst girlfriend in the world. I find myself often pushing buttons because I want him so badly to pull me over his knee and spank the living daylights out of me. D: Ok, well now I'm nervous. This roller coaster ride of ttwd, of being His, is incredible. I don't know how to explain it but I find reading other blogs so helpful because it makes me feel apart of a community, I'm not alone. :)

We want to be spanked, until we get spanked, and then when we cry and scream for them to stop, we are dissapointed that it's over. I have yet to understand this mystery. I literally beg him to spank me, I'm very open about our lifestyle, I've never been too much of a shy person when it comes to those I'm comfortable with so it's really easy for me to be blunt and flat out tell him what I want. The only problem with this is He really wants to spank me too, especially because lately I need it since I've been extremely demanding and not his kitten. :( I want to be his kitten, I want to submit to his every word but for some reason that want isn't enough, I need the threat of my backside being ripped to shreds.

I think it'll only take one time. One good punishment and I'll be set and I'll try to avoid punishments as much as possible, but until then I'm afraid of damaging our relationship. I don't even know why I do, or say some of the things I say. He's the most amazing person in my life, and one day I would love to marry this man. He has so much potential, meets EVERY requirement I need in a man including the things I thought I would never get, like a man willing to discipline me. I really lucked out. I really need to start appreciating him more.

-zoe (kitten)

P.S. The reason I normally sign as kitty, or in this case kitten is because he has never called me zoe. Even when we first starting dating, he used to call me kitty. It has upgraded (or rather downgraded) to kitten because he says i am not his kitty yet, i'm a kitten in training to become his kitty. I love Him. :)