I'm not a relationship kind of person. I think I'm too selfish, or I'm not used to having to discuss plans with another person. When I want something, I go for it and I don't normally spend time thinking about whether or not it would work out for the people around me. This is after all, MY life, and I know this is a really bad way of looking at life, but I've concluded that I'm a selfish person and I need to allow Chris to guide me, stop controlling everything, let go of the steering wheel and enjoy the ride for once.
Last night Chris and I got into one of our biggest fights we have ever gotten into. It ended with me getting out of his car, and sobbing breathlessly on the steps to his place. I haven't cried that much in a long time, it is one of those cries where you cry so fast that you have a difficult time breathing and it is almost impossible to stop.
Like any other Friday night, Chris had work from about 5pm-2am (at least what is supposed to be 2am, ended getting off around 3:30am) and I was out with friends. Ever since I started dating Chris I gave up a lot of my friends because lets face it, my friends are dicks who treat me like shit and I used to enjoy that kind of attention. Chris certainly does not want me hanging out with people who disrespect me, and I respect that so I stopped seeing friends period, for the most part.
Last night I hung out with my good friends, the ones I was really close to before I discovered partying and alcohol (I didn't have my first sip of alcohol until I was 18, but during my 18th year I basically lost everyone close to me and decided that partying was the best thing in the world, I was a lost kitten). I realized last night how much I missed that group of people, the group of people you can genuinely have a great time with without any alcohol involved, it was the first time I have had that much fun in a really, really long time. We played a board game called Settlers of Catan, it's a German game. And trust me, check it out (it might be confusing if you don't have anyone to explain it to you though..)
Now, the issue was clearly not me having fun, Chris is really glad I got to go out with my friends and was able to have a good time because I haven't been able to go out very often since we started dating. The issue now was how involved I get when I'm with friends, so involved to the point where I forget that I even have a Master who loves me.
He called me during his break; he doesn't get much time to talk to me while at work so he called me when he could.
"Hey kitty, what are you up to? I really miss you!"
"I miss you too meow, meow! :) I'm still close, just with my friends talking."
"That's good, I'm on my break right now. I love you."
":) Meow! Love you too. I can't talk though, talking to my friends!"
So that was our first conversation of the night and as you can tell I completely shut him down. The next text I got was: "You've been with them for hours now but you can't take 10 minutes to talk to me. Master isn't happy with the way you treat situations. Bad kitten."
I HATE hearing bad kitten. I feel like I've disappointed him and that is the worst feeling of all. At the time I felt like he was being a little too needy, I mean, I live with the guy. We are inseparable. So why can't I be with friends and pay attention to only them for the 10 hours while we're away?
I said I was sorry through text, but I obviously didn't really mean it. I thought I was right, I feel rude removing myself from my friends to talk on the phone, it's just not something I do.
I text him every hour, it's a rule we have so he knows where I am at all times and how I am. Most of the time he doesn't respond because he's working but he does read all of the texts and it shows I have not forgotten about him. I'm actually really good at texting him on the hour, I do love the man so I do love telling him what I'm doing because I always want him to join in and be a part of the fun!
I did text him every hour, I'm good at that. Now, at around 12:30 (right when the store closes so he about 5 minutes to give me a call) I was in the middle of a really intense game of Settlers of Catan. Now, if you've ever played the game you would know how intense that game can get and it's really hard to peel your way from game, at least for me, because you can't miss out on anything.
"Hey kitten, how are you? I've missed you. Work has been a nightmare."
"Hiii! Missed you too, gotta go, playing game!"
So he hung up. I continued texting him every hour like a good kitten and didn't even realize that he might be mad at me yet. Two of the same offenses in one night, it showed that I really didn't care if he needed or wanted to talk to me, it showed that I probably didn't miss him (which I did, I wish he was there playing with us), and it was just disrespectful the way I cut him off.
He was supposed to pick me up after work. It was nearing 2am so I began calling him off the hook, no answers. Started texting him like crazy asking him where he is, no answers. I started freaking out a bit. My friends kept questioning me where he was, and I was as clueless as they were. Me, being me, started thinking of the absolute worst. We do live in a city of sin, and who knows what could have happened. I asked a friend for a ride to his work, and to my luck (and surprise) I found him there. You can only imagine how unhappy I was for not getting a simple text telling me he was alive. It really frightened me because he is not one to not respond to my calls; it’s out of his nature.
They unlocked the door.
"It would've been nice if you answered your phone." (With as much attitude as I could produce in front of his coworker, crossed a line? I hope so.)
"Be quiet and sit down. I'm working."
To be Continued....